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12/9/08

Sweet Savannah

The scent of the sun and the pines is just about overwhelming to my brain. 900 some odd miles away and I can still smell the sweet, warm air. God, how I long to be there. Just be in that place that's always, somehow, been my home.

Sitting in that hotel window on our last night in Georgia, listening to the distant traffic and the peaceful vague noise, it hit home. I won't ever be at peace in my head and my heart until I am there. There, free to be myself, to give in to the indulgence of a cup of morning coffee on the porch. To sip the sweet tea by the pitcherful. To drift off to sleep with little thought of the worries of everyday life. To breathe the life that's been waiting for me all of mine. Goddammit, why did I leave there. It was so hard for me to be alone, but it was so wonderful at the same time. I had everything there. No, I know, if I hadn't come back here, I'd never have met Dave. I know that. And I'm so thankful I did. But is it wrong to want both? Him and the other love of my life…. Georgia. He wants to go back too. He doesn't quite get my love affair with the south, but he understands enough to know that's where I belong. Thank god for that. 10 ½ more years. He asked what will the girls do when we leave. I imagine they'll go to college. Or start lives of their own. Either here or they'll follow us to Georgia. That is Lexi's home too. She has that fire in her soul for it like I do. It's strange how a geographical place can take on so much space in one's heart as if it were a living breathing person.
I think often of my dream….. laying on the beach, sipping sweet tea. Watching my young women of daughters flirt playfully a ways down with some passing guys. My husband, Dave, laying next to me, just talking and drinking in the warm Georgia sun. It's so simple and yet so fucking far away. Dammit all.

1 comments:

Heather said...

Thanks for your comment! You have no idea how much it helps to hear that you had a dachshund with swollen lymph nodes that was actually completely healthy. Not that we know for sure that's the case with Tess, but it's good to know it's possible for them to be swollen for no good reason. :)

Good luck with your aisle runner!